Nerdy Heartbeat’s 09 Recap – Best Music From 2009 December 15, 2009

Top 30 Albums of 2009

30. Every Time I Die – New Junk Aesthetic

29. Japandroids – Post-Nothing

28. The Dear Hunter – Act III Life & Death

27. Plushgun – Pins and Panzers

26. Mansions – New Best Friends

25. Portugal. The Man – The Satanic Satanist

24. All Time Low – Nothing Personal

23. This Time Next Year – Road Maps & Heart Attacks

22. Noah and the Whale – The First Day of Spring

21. Paramore – brand new eyes

20. Mastodon – Crack The Skye

19. Polar Bear Club – Chasing Hamburg

18. The Motorcycle Industry – Electric Education

17. O Pioneers – Neon Creeps

16. Fireworks – All I Have Is My Own Confusion

15. Passion Pit – Manners

14. P.O.S. – Never Better

13. Jay-Z – The Blueprint 3

12. WHY? – Eskimo Snow

11. Kevin Devine – Brother’s Blood

10. Set Your Goals – This Will Be the Death of Us

9. Chuck Ragan – Gold Country

8. Fake Problems – It’s Great to Be Alive

7. A Day To Remember – Homesick

6. Brand New – Daisy

5. Say Anything – Say Anything

4. The Dangerous Summer – Reach for The Sun

3. Kiss Kiss – The Meek Shall Inherit What’s Left

2. Fun. – Aim and Ignite

1. Manchester Orchestra – Mean Everything to Nothing

It was hard for me to pick just 30 but when I went to the top 5, it was even harder to distinguish which one was the best. Mean Everything to Nothing was a flat out great rock album dealing with God and religion with fantastic stand out moments on almost every track. Aim and Ignite was baroque pop at its finest proving that the glory of The Format is far from dead. Reach for the Sun revitalized pop-punk in a scene dominated by catering to teeny boppers with extremely profound, honest and personal lyrics with beautiful echoing guitar lines. Say Anything took the traditional sound we all know and love and meshed it with insight on religion while combining elements of doo-wop, synth-pop and spoken word, all with masterful production. Daisy took the aggression of previous albums and amplified it to the maximum proving that Brand New is not afraid to make the record they want. And The Meek Shall Inherit What’s Left was just well absolutely eccentric and musically insane (in a very good way). Ultimately, I gave the honor to Mean Everything to Nothing for it’s initial “wow” factor. However, all of the albums on this list are absolutely fantastic and I suggest you check them out. It was a damn good year for music.

Honorable Mentions

These are the albums that, while not up to snuff with the top 25, are still great records.

Enter Shikari – Common Dreads

Kid Cudi – Man on the Moon

mewithoutyou – it’s all crazy! it’s all false! it’s all a dream! it’s alright

The Audition – Self-Titled Album

Weatherbox – The Cosmic Drama

Dethklok – Dethalbum II

Top EPs of 2009

1. Bon Iver – Blood Bank

2. Straylight Run – About Time

3. VersaEmerge – VersaEmerge

4. Polar Bear Club – The Summer of George

5. MC Chris – Part Six Part One

Most Disappointing Albums

These are the albums that, while I didn’t hate at all, I just expected to be so much better. Whether it be the hype surrounding it, or hearing an amazing song from the album only to discover that the rest of the record isn’t on par. These are the records that turned out, in one way or another, to be a disappointment.

1. Two Tongues – Two Tongues

2. The Swell Season – Strict Joy

3. New Found Glory – Not Without A Fight

4. Dashboard Confessional – Alter the Ending

5. Animal Collective – Merriwether Post Pavillion

Nerdy Heartbeat’s 09 Recap – Biggest Guilty Pleasures December 13, 2009

There’s some stuff out there, I just can’t own up to liking. Whether it be a song on the radio, a bad movie or something utterly childish/girly, I try really hard to not like it. But I can’t. This list features my biggest guilty pleasures this year of stuff I didn’t want to like but just couldn’t help myself.

Glee

I was wondering if I should even put this show on this list because frankly, this is a really REALLY good show especially when compared to other teen programs on TV. That being said, as a straight 20 year old man, it’s hard to talk about my deep love for this show. I mean imagine telling your friends, “I can’t hang out now… I’m watching Glee.” My guy friends just give me a look and vaguely smirk. It’s like freshman year all over again when I confessed to my friends my love for The OC. Additionally, when you think about it, the show has a very similar concept to High School Musical. That being said, it’s a fantastic show with a great sense of humor, eccentric cast of characters and amazing covers of classic songs. Even if it’s shifted a little too far in dramatic territory with recent episodes, it’s still one of the best new shows this season.

Lady Gaga

I may not listen to her on a regular basis but whenever she’s on the radio I can’t help but sing along. There’s something about her, (Maybe it’s her craziness? Yeah her craziness) that makes her an interesting pop icon. I mean let’s face it, when you compare her to the Britney Spearses and P!nks and Kelly Clarksons of the world, she is far better and something the pop scene kinda needs right now: a different face. Her music is catchy, her personality turns heads and is a person that you simply couldn’t run away from in 2009. That and the Bad Romance video is pretty damn fantastic.

Wearing Neon

It’s the choice attire for scene kids and crappy pseduo-electronic bands. That being said, I can’t help but adding a tid bit of neon to my wardrobe to brighten stuff up. Yeah it can look ridiculous at times but… okay there’s not much defending when it comes to neon but hey it looks kinda cool if you want the impression of being a karaoke singer in space or something…

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus

So it’s an absolutely horrible movie. The acting is horrendous, the story is silly as hell and the “epic fight scene”  is the same poorly rendered CGI shot just with different effects layered on it. Asylum Entertainment is known for making some of the best worst movies out there and this is definitely no exception. It’s so bad that you can’t help but love the awfulness it reeks. It’s absolutely hilarious. However, while it may be a bad movie, below is probably the greatest scene in film history. Ever. I’m not kidding.

Boys Like Girls – Two Is Better Than One

I already wrote a blog about this. Click here

Nerdy Heartbeat’s 09 Recap – The Embarrassing Success of Transformers and New Moon December 10, 2009

WARNING: The following blog is extremely bitchy and features a pretentious college student endlessly ranting about two movies he loathes deeply. Just to clarify I will not look down on you if you do like either of these films and state your opinion in a respectful manner. After all debating is the heart and soul of internet blogging. Finally, I promise that after this blog I will NEVER complain about Transformers or the Twilight Saga EVER again (maybe).

2009 was a fantastic year for movies. Films like District 9, (500) Days of Summer, Paper Heart and Where The Wild Things Are are just a few of this year’s best. Too bad you didn’t see any of them. I mean who can blame you? Aliens as a metaphor for genocide? Awkward, homely teenagers making a “documentary” about love? CGI creatures having dysfunctional problems instead of making fart jokes? …A woman breaking a man’s heart? These ideas just seem dumb, catered for those emo-hipster kids out there with their Fall Out Guys and Radiofaces. I just want entertainment. And frankly there is nothing more entertaining than A) Random explosions, racist robots and over-the-top hot girl eye candy to the sounds of horrible pseduo-alternative rock or B) Two shirtless guys awkwardly fighting over a depressive biopolar ****tease of a drama queen.

These were the movies we Americans spent millions of dollars on this year rather than films that were both entertaining and intellectually rewarding. But don’t cry for the District 9s or (500) Days of Summers. No. Cry for the audiences and die-hard fans of Transformers and New Moon. They’re killing mainstream American filmmaking and don’t even care. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I just lost touch with the mainstream film. Maybe I’m simply overreacting that my favorite films didn’t get the attention they deserved. After all, lazy filmmaking have existed since the beginning of the Blockbuster in the mid-70s when production companies realized that visual effects can mask any of the film’s flaws. Movies like this will always exist whether I like it or not. I don’t expect this blog to change anyone’s opinions cause it won’t. Twilight fans will always love Twilight. Transformers fans will always love Transformers. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is just an over-the-top story of a confused film buff, wondering if nonsensical explosions and hot guys whetting the romantic appetite of awkward tweens is what our generation of film goers really want to spend 8+ dollars on. So let’s get this trainwreck of a rant a rolling.

400 Million Gone To Shia Lebouf and Robots Trying to Save The World… or Something

When you think about it, the Transformers movies are some genius metaphor. Think about it. This, along with Nascar and MTV, represents everything morally and intellectually wrong with our society. It’s like Michael Bay might be revealing our cultural shortcomings through explosions… might be. Revenge of the Fallen has it all: racism, immature humor, caring about sexuality and violence over things that actually matter, this movie has it all. I’ve always tolerated Michael Bay. Sure his movies suck and they usually put me to sleep cause of their profound boredom, however, there’s always a scene in each film that intrigues me and makes the movie much less horrible. For example, while 75% of Pearl Harbor was a chore to watch, the action scene was fantastic. Even Bad Boys II which I consider one of the worst films ever had an awesome chase scene. So, what was the money shot for Transformers 2? Well… there’s this one part in the beginning where a Autobot does a backflip while cutting a Decepicon in half and then says to himself, “Damn, I’m good.” Those 30 seconds were pretty awesome because it was probably the only time (thanks to slo-mo) that you can tell who’s blowing up who in this movie. Yeah there’s a lot of action. But there’s so much and it’s all so compressed that eventually, it doesn’t really mean anything.

There’s so much cliched Bayism related atrocity in this film. It takes everything you hated about other Bay films and amplifies it. Remember the 5 minute joke of rats doing it in Bad Boys II? Well in T2, there’s a 10 minute joke  with dogs doing it while Shia’s parents make “really funny” comments about sex. You know how every Bay movie has an overload of hot chicks? Well in this movie, Shia goes to a college that is populated ENTIRELY of hot chicks. Seriously? Not one ugly chick or even average looking chick? They’re all hot? Is the freshmen 15 or eating yourself out of depression nonexistent in this school? Now Michael Bay is not only a bad director but he’s a straight up liar. Remember how stereotyped Jazz was in the first Transformers movie? Well T2 has TWO stereotypical robots, Mudflap and Skids, that are far more racist.

I mean the fact that there’s this much low-brow stereotyping in a mainstream American film in 2009 is flat out embarrassing. Sure this probably wasn’t intentional. I doubt George Lucas sought out to offend Jamaicans and Asians and Jews in Phantom Menace but still… no one at Dreamworks thought this would be offensive?

The rest of the film is filled with a plot that only arises an hour into the movie, robots with genitals, jokes about said robots with genitals, slo-mo shots of Megan Fox in sexy poses and the human actors trying to act. Oh yeah and there’s a Decepticon that turns into a dog and another that turns into a hot chick.

All in the name of entertainment.

When Awkward Sexual Fantasies Becomes A Cultural Phenomenon…

I think I knew Bella Swan in high school. Actually, I think we all knew Bella Swan in high school. She was the crazy girl who thought her life was a complete tragedy despite the fact that so many people care about her. She is the Holden Caulfield of modern literature (if you even consider these books literature). But Holden complained about being surrounding by a culture that he didn’t connect with; a world of “phonies” as he called it. He had an existential crisis which while annoying on paper, we do relate to him. Bella Swan is just as crazy and even more annoying but what’s her poison? What causes her emotional and mental downfall? Well, she’s just having a hissy fit because her vampire boyfriend won’t love her forever.

This is why I hate this “franchise”. It’s enveloping a melodramatic abortion of a plot that’s living proof why many people think are generation is mentally fractured. I read excerpts of the book and I’ve seen this before, all over the internet. It’s a longwinded livejournal entry but Meyer just replaces every time they say “boyfriend” with the word “vampire” or “werewolf”. It’s a socially awkward high school whinefest and it’s the biggest “saga” of our generation. Awesome.

Then there’s the movies. All of the aspects that make a film noteworthy (acting, superb dialog, intriguing plot, profound themes, deep mythology, even eye-scorching visuals) are completely removed. The ONLY reason New Moon and it’s predecessor Twilight are popular is because 1) It stars two hot guys and 2) It caters to awkward romantically-challenged tweens. That’s why I hate these movies. That’s why I complain about them as much as I do. I’m an aspiring filmmaker and I’m going into a field where the only thing that matters now is providing fodder for teenage girls that are so riled in pop culture, they’re delusional and have no concept between what’s real and what’s fantasy. It’s embarrassing.

But I know what you’re thinking. “If this film had hot girls you’d have no problem with it. Guys objectify girls with porn all the time.” I guess you’re right. I mean what do I know, I’m a man. I’m emotionally crippled, I only care about sports and porn, I think with my penis 100 percent of the time and I’m very, very stupid…

But I guess I would enjoy female nudity in a movie but that doesn’t make that movie better by any standards. Zombie Strippers was 75% naked women and I still hated it. And I don’t mean to put sexism into this but if guys across America were flocking to see a movie where a man was seduced by busty vampires and werewolves: you’d all think it’s perverted.

Which comes to my next point, one that makes the Twilight craze understandable. Twilight, in a way, is girl porn; it provides romantic fantasies the same way pornographic films do. Many girls, at least the mature, sane ones, who watch/read Twilight know it’s not necessarily good by traditional standards but they find it entertaining and romantically interesting. For the most part, girls will like any romantic movie. And this I have no problem with. There are plenty of films that I know are bad but still enjoy because they give me what I want: action/gore/some form of zombies. Same goes with girls who watch New Moon but instead of action they get romance.

This is where I defend the fanbase against people who go out of their way to bash and insult the fans. It’s too far. The worst I did was when I saw The Blind Side a few weeks ago, a girl seeing New Moon walked past and said, “I’m gonna scream so loud when Jacob comes in”. I light-heartedly mocked, “OMG me too.” She looked at me and laughed. I laughed back and gave each other a look of “let’s agree to disagree”. That’s the worst I’ve EVER done to a Twilight fan because I can never make fun of someone’s hobbies (I’m a 20 year old who still plays Pokemon). So when some guy pretentiously tells people before a fake screening that you’re a loser if you like this movie, you’re embarrassing yourself. Sure I hate this movie but I would NEVER make someone feel bad because they like something I don’t. My girlfriend likes Twilight and sure I tease her now and then but in a joking *nudge nudge* kind of way. Her liking the books/movie never interfered with our relationship because while I may be an elitist, I’m not a douchebag.

However, the point where the Twilight love gets out of hand (again) is when the fanbase considers this to be a valuable movie/book franchise; a saga. If Twilight is in a way considered “girl porn”, then any attempts of calling it a saga are laughable. I doubt even the most socially inept porn addict would consider the Busty MILF series a saga. I love bad/entertaining movies but I would never even think that a Sci-Fi Channel movie deserves Best Picture for MTV Movie Awards or People Choice Awards, especially since there are other titles that deserve the title of Best Picture far more.

But let’s face it. This franchise isn’t going anywhere, no matter how much I complain. So, I’ll enjoy my comic books and video games. The awkward men can enjoy their porn collection and the awkward girls can enjoy their sparkly vampires.

So now that I got that out of the way, I will never complain about this series ever again… well maybe until Eclipse comes out.

Nerdy Heartbeat’s 2009 Recap – The Top 10 Music Videos of 2009 December 1, 2009

Thanks to youtube, music videos may no longer have a place on television but they have been more accessible (and arguably more popular) on the internet. For the past year, artists have further experimented with this unique art form in plenty of effective ways. These are the top 10 Music Videos of 2009.

10. Every Time I Die – Wanderlust

For about four minutes, Keith Buckley walks in on some seriously grotesque yet psychedelic imagery while the rest of the bands rocks out like crazy. Not only was the video pretty cool, but it showed off some of the unbelievable album artwork before it was in stores.

9. Matt and Kim – Lessons Learned

Remember the hilarious shock value of Blink-182’s video of “What’s My Age Again”? Yeah, multiply that by 100. Matt and Kim streak in the middle of Times Square and right at the very last moment, Kim gets hit by a bus. It’s funny as all hell. I just want to know how they were able to get away with this.

8. Manchester Orchestra – I’ve Got Friends

The intentionally aged look gives the video a unique style many don’t see in the music video format. Plus the hilariously bizarre concept starring a guy in a bear suit and haunting apparitions of the band members makes it stand out even more.

7. Animal Collective- My Girls

Freak-folk pioneers, Animal Collective, blew up like crazy this past year thanks to a breakout album and the fantastic indie hit, “My Girls”. The video features grooving silhouettes of the band mixed with a slew of crazy psychedelic visuals. The result is something that feels both retro and slightly futuristic with a slam of hip eye candy. Hipsters love this band for a reason and this video shows why.

6. fun. – All The Pretty Girls

fun. (the side project featuring members of The Format, Anathallo, Steel Train) is arguably the best new band of 2009 and they’ve got a great video to prove it. This hilarious homage to The Beatles that closes with a trio of singing piniatas makes it one music video that’s nothing short of… well… fun.

5. Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

Okay. So she’s weird… really weird. But let’s face it she’s probably the most unique artist in the mainstream music scene. Compared to the other pop princesses, she’s pretty damn good. Her video for her latest single is well, indescribable at times with outrageous outfits, even more outrageous but mind-boggling choreography, a plot that doesn’t really make any sense and a conclusion featuring a pyrotechnic bra and skeletal corpse. Uh…. sure? Yeah it’s out there… really out there, but it’s so weird that in a way, it’s absolutely genius. Not to mention, the visuals are just plain unbelievable at times. It’s been a while since a mainstream artist has freaked anyone out through music video and isn’t that why we like this format in the first place?

4. WHY? – These Hands/January Twenty Something

Jonathan “Yoni” Wolf (aka WHY?) makes some of the most emotionally compelling hip-hop and folk rock around. The video deals with the scenes of a car accident juxtaposed with Wolf’s soothingly evocative voice. The image of the old man with arrows shot all over his back surrounded by fog carrying the boy will forever be ingrained in my mind. Powerful stuff.

3. Mastodon – Oblivion

Mastodon’s latest concept record deals with elements of space and time so what better way to introduce the album than having a music video that takes place in space. The visuals are nothing short of gorgeous with some of the best visual effects I’ve seen in a music video in a long long time and the video deals with the terror, mystery and suspense of being alone in outer space. They say in space no one can hear you scream, but shred? That’s a completely different story.

2. Fall Out Boy – What A Catch, Donnie

Folie A Deux is arguably FOB’s best release since Take This To Your Grave and “What a Catch, Donnie” was one of the best tracks off of their recent (and probably last) album. So when we heard there was going to be a video for this song, we all knew it would be sweep us off our feet. On the surface, its a tale about a ship’s captain (Patrick Stump) befriending and eventually bidding farewell to a seagull. It’s only until the captain sees a boat sinking on the distance when we see what the video is really about.   Ultimately, the video is a huge metaphor for the band’s unfortunate hiatus, but by george they went out with a bang. We’ll miss you guys but maybe you can ditch Wentz come the reunion.

1. All Time Low – Weightless

more about “All Time Low’s Weightless Music Video…“, posted with vodpod

Let’s face it. A lot of people don’t like All Time Low these days. Some people consider them sell-outs for being covered by MTV. Some people are turned off by the abundance of screaming teenage girls that swoon over Alex Gaskarth. Or frankly, some people just don’t like the punk-pop/powerpop scene. Well, ATL manages to get back at all the haters in the funniest way possible. In their video for their first single for Nothing Personal, the bands makes fun of pretty much everyone and everything from Twitter, to crazed teeny bopper fans and even themselves through bitterly frank statements followed by the ever-so appropriate phrase “Nothing Personal”. Top it off with a ridiculous over-the-top style and hilarious cameos by FOB’s Pete Wentz and Blink’s Mark Hoppus and you have one of the funniest vids in a while. Even if you hate ATL for whatever reasons you have, you can’t help but laugh at their complete mockery of the scene.

Nerdy Heartbeat’s 2009 Recap- The Bottom 10 Worst Songs of 2009 November 24, 2009

It’s been a crazy year: 2009. With 2010 on the horizon let’s look back at the good times (and not so good times) of 2009. We’ll start off this segment with the 10 worst songs of 2009.

Last year “blessed” us with the unwelcome return of truly awful post-grunge and the hard rock. New albums by Nickelback and Buckcherry made us cringe while newcomers like Theory of A Deadman and Saving Abel brought us to our knees begging for mercy. 2009 was the year electronica and rap got its share of beatings with gastly synth-pop top 40 hits, overused auto-tune and little sign of music apocalypse called “crunk-core”. These are the songs that hurt our eardrums and made bands like Nickelback seem tolerable. These are the worst songs of 2009. The following consisted of hours of research and the result of Nerdy Heartbeat on the floor in the fetal position, crying endlessly.

10. Party In Your Bedroom by Cash Cash

The chorus features some guy wearing an insane amount of neon singing with auto-tune, “There’s a party in your bedroom”. Add a disco vibe and I’m pretty sure the suck speaks for itself.

9. Shots by LMFAO

I love 3OH!3. Not because they’re good but because make extremely fun, tongue-in-cheek, catchy music and know it. They know they’re music isn’t meant to be taken seriously and ultimately just want to party and have fun. LMFAO takes that ideology a bit too far; tongue-in-cheek party attitude can wear its welcome and it does quickly with “Shots”. It’s ridiculous and they know it but it’s too the point where they’re just trying way to hard to be silly. Plus, if you use the phrase “panties hit the ground”, you just have to be on this list. Sorry guys.

8. Birthday Sex by Jeremih

GURL YOU KNOW I- I- I- I- BURFDAY SEX! That’s all you need to know.

7. I Love College by Asher Roth

WOAH! This guy is rapping about beer pong? I play beer pong all the time! This guy is rapping about drinking beer and having sex with sorority girls? I drink beer all the time and wish I could have sex with sorority girls! This song is so relatable! It’s the song that blew every college kid’s mind because “IT TOTALLY REFLECTS MY TIME AT COLLEGE RIGHT NOW”. Yeah? Well sorry bros but the song still sucks.

6. Dollhouse by Priscilla Renea

Hey. You know what I’ve never heard before? A sassy young pop princess who is just sick of her boyfriend’s BS and just needs to let him know that’s she’s over him through song. Yeah that’s right. In this day and age, (in case you didn’t know) a woman doesn’t need a man by her side. Is there like some kind of law somewhere that before you become the next big pop act you need to sing a song about how you don’t need your boyfriend anymore? Cause I feel like we get 20 of these songs a year and they all sound the same. Oh wait but she’s different: SHE CAN PLAY GUITAR!! I mean seriously is this whole “my boyfriend doesn’t care” thing really that much of a problem in American society? We get it. You’re an independent woman, you’re man doesn’t appreciate you, you deserve better blah blah blah. Just shut the hell up and break up with him already… or go gay which ever one works better.

5.  Everything on Brokencyde’s I’m Not A Fan But The Kid’s Like It

I think we all knew Brokencyde, the kings of “crunkcore” were gonna wind up on this list. But what number? And what song? Well since all Brokencyde songs are pretty much the same with the awkward screaming about getting drunk and banging some girl in a club to horrible crunk beats I thought, why not the whole album? The only reason this is so high is because this band is so bad you can’t help but just laugh at it; that and no one except 14 year old scene kids actually takes this seriously.

4. Just Got Paid, Let’s Get Laid by Millionaires

For years, I’ve wondered why domestic violence and other horrible things exist. Now I know…

RIYL: Jeffree Star, getting every STD imaginable, being God’s mistake

3. Hotel Room Service by Pitbull

Pitbull’s first hit this year (see I Know You Want Me) was horrible but it was saved by a nice house hook. This on the other hand not only has a horrible beat but Pitbull’s voice is even worse than ever (if that’s possible). But we haven’t even touched the bad from this song yet. For starters it rips off some unbelievable rap tunes (TI’s Whatever You Like, Jay-Z’s I Just Wanna Love U) that Pitbull pretty much wishes he could sing. Lastly, the lyrics sound like they came from some awkward closet virgin frat boy’s wet dream. When it’s played at the club, all the “players” howl the song like it’s their anthem, “YOU GOIN UNDRESS ME”. Then hit the floor looking for girls cause they know this is the song that will get them laid (It doesn’t). Perhaps they like all the dirty imagery to pump them up in some sort of pathetic defense mechanism that they MIGHT get laid or maybe they just like it cause they enjoy crappy music. NOTE: Enjoy the video above because this will NEVER happen to you.

RIYL: Flo Rida, tone def singing, not getting laid, awkwardly grinding your junk against some girl’s butt unknowingly going nowhere with her, YO BRO THIS SONG GETS DEM PANTIES DROPPIN

2. Tik Tok by Ke$ha

“Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy”. And soooo it begins…. The epic journey of a skanky club rat ready for another day of clubbing it up as if the life of a club rat should ACTUALLY be celebrated through song (or whatever this is). The sound is Lady Gaga getting every STD imaginable from the Millionaires, resulting in an annoying valley girl sound pseduo-rap with phenomenal lyrics like: “Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger but we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. Im talking about – everybody getting crunk, boys trying to touch my junk, junk gonna smack him if he getting too drunk.” I’m no feminist but somewhere Susan B. Anthony is rolling around in her grave like crazy. The mildly catchy chorus (or catchy by default) prevents it from being number 1.

RIYL: Millionaires, clubbing, being a skank, feeling like P Diddy

1. Booty Dew by GS Boyz

We can give the obvious reason why this song is number one by saying its basically THE SAME SONG the GS Boyz released last year (see Stanky Legg) which in itself gives it the dubious honor but frankly there is just so much more that makes this song the worst of 09. After giving four whole minutes to explain how to do the “Booty Dew” I still have no idea what this dance is. Maybe it’s because I’m a skinny irish white boy from Long Island OR maybe it’s because it’s four minutes of five horribly amateur rappers screaming over each other. The choruses consist of them just howling catchphrases and the verses make absolutely no sense. What is a booty dew anyway? Cause if it’s the dew that comes off of a rear end, then that doesn’t sound appealing at all. And I don’t even want to talk about “Obama’s” appearance in the video. I want to say these guys will fall off the face of the earth come 2010 but we said the same thing about Soulja Boy.

RIYL: Soulja Boy, Hurricane Chris, horrible dances, making black people look bad, DO THA STANKY LEGGGGGGGG

Dishonorable Mentions:

Ice Cream Paint Job by Dorrough

You’re A Jerk by New Boyz

Party In the USA by Miley Cyrus

Goodbye by Kristinia DeBarge

Hawkbot by Forever the Sickest Kids

Fire Burning by Sean Kingston

What’s Out on DVD This Week?: 11/11 November 11, 2009

Up:

One of the best films of the year and proof that Pixar might just be the best thing for Hollywood animation since… ever, Up was an hilarious, touching, coming-of-old age film that was simply to die for in Disney Digital 3D. If you didn’t like this you were either A. a parent who’s mad a movie actually made their kid cry (God forbid) or B. A person born without a soul.

In short, it’s a modern day animated masterpiece and if you haven’t seen this yet, rent it or buy it now. As with most other Pixar DVD’s, Up will also include an animated spin-off short based on the film as well as plenty of other extras reminding you how Pixar works their massively talented butts off to disappoint families that want mindless entertainment and blow away everyone else who has a valuable opinion.

RIYL: Pixar, floating houses, talking dogs, really really sad opening scenes, old dudes, Wall-E

 

The Ugly Truth:

Speaking of best films of the year, this…. definitely isn’t one of them. After Katherine Heigl’s “serious feminine persona” was so mad that Knocked Up was sexist (and by sexist she means being one of the few rom-coms that shows the guy’s perspective), she took serious action. She starred and produced in a film where she played… the exacted same role she did in Knocked Up, only this character gave the image of “as a woman you’re either a work-obsessive mega bitch or a seductress trying to turn on whatever guy you’re into at the moment”. Not only that but this film also says that guys just care about sex and flirtation when it comes to relationships. So much for gender equality right?

But hypocrisy of Hiegl aside, there is some redeeming qualities in this rom-com, but frankly, who cares? There are so many other rom-coms to choose from at this point, most of which are far better, far funnier and much less offensive than this one. Wait for 500 Days of Summer to come out on DVD.

RIYL: How to Lose A Bride War in 27 Dresses, sexism, Katherine Heigl contradicting herself, Gerald Butler gradually losing his masculinity, unfunny sex jokes that go on way to long, SRSLYYY, ALL GUYS CARE ABOUT IZ SEXXXX AND DER LYKE TOTALLL PIGZ!!!!!!11

Fall 09 Movie Preview November 8, 2009

Well it’s that time again. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and that we’ll be getting the year’s second wave of Hollywood Blockbusters. I’ll be looking at upcoming highlights and give my impressions. So which one’s should you check out and which one’s should you miss?

2012

The Day After Tomorrow…. err… I mean 2012, is Hollywood’s effort to take advantage of the world possibly ending because the Mayans stopped wasting their time on a calendar. I think it’s safe to say that if you see one disaster movie you’ve seen them all except THIS ONE is warning. This WILL happen. Not only have scientists CONFIRMED it but now they’re making a MOVIE based on this upcoming disaster. The end IS OBVIOUSLY near.

RIYL: The Day After Tomorrow, Armageddon, every disaster film ever, John Cusack, being gullible, dumb conspiracies, explosions.

Pirate Radio

Okay. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman, it’s about radio and it’s directed by the same guy who did Love Actually. I see no flaws. Please see this instead of NO SRSLY GUYS THE WORLD WILL END IN 2012.

RIYL: Philip Seymour Hoffman, British stuff, radio, thinking censorship sucks, pretending you connect with the 60s movement, not seeing 2012

Fantastic Mr. Fox

You have no idea how good I want this to be. Fantastic Mr. Fox was one of my favorite books as a kid and Wes Anderson is one of my favorite directors. The stop-motion animation has been hit or miss with everyone as of now but it has very strong potential to be a hip family film for both kids and adults, unlike Where the Wild Things Are which was more of a nostalgic trip for teens/adults.

RIYL: Roald Dahl, Wes Anderson, stop-motion animation, families who want smart movies, hipsters who want childhood nostalgia, … furry fandom?

The Blind Side

“You’re changing that boy’s life!” “No. He’s changing mine.”

…Okay, so the film has one of the most cheesy cliched lines ever but in harsh economic times, we NEED a movie like this (especially during the Christmas season). Based on the trailer, Quinton Aaron looks like he’ll be giving a hell of a performance and pretty much make anyone who sees cry/cheer. And hey, if anything, it’ll definitely much a much better movie than…

RIYL: Movies that are “Based on a True Story”, Sandra Bullock, FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!, crying, being inspired, rags to ritches tales, not seeing…

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Ohhhhhhhhh mannnnnnn… The second installment of the insanely popular book series/the insanely popular fan-fiction/a cult of delusional, possibly psychotic teenage girls/Stephanie Meyer’s erotic fantasies will hit theaters November 20th. That day, high school/college girls will have aneurysms, Buffy fans will still be pissed and confused boyfriends will wonder why girls find a really pale dude who sparkles attractive. Just when you thought the series couldn’t get more ridiculous, the trailer has revealed a suicidal Bella who jumps off a cliff, pool boys who turn into wolves, an awkward attempt to create some kind of Vampire mythology and Edward Cullen fighting like Neo from The Matrix. I don’t get it…

RIYL: Twilight, “super-hot” guys who fight over Stephanie Meyer — er I mean Bella, bad special effects, Vampires that glitter, pool boys, being lonely and romantically awkward for the rest of your life, Mary Sue, reading at a 4th grade level.

Planet 51

From TriStar, the same guys who gave us District 9, comes another Alien movie that… doesn’t look nearly as good. Basically instead of aliens coming to us, we come to them and act like there’s an invasion. What follows is a reverse ET. Oh and it stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Yeah….

RIYL: Aliens, The Rock, overly obvious references to better alien movies, …Shrek?

Ninja Assassin

Do I REALLY need to explain to you why this looks awesome. Cause I think the title gives it away.

RIYL: Ninjas, badass movies, man stuff, more ninjas, violence, hoping the Wachowski brothers don’t make another disappointing movie, NINJAS!!!!!!!

No.

RIYL: Wild Hogs.

Guilty Pleasure of 09: Two Is Better Than One November 3, 2009

You have no idea how hard I wanted to hate this song. I really tried. I mean I never really liked Boys Like Girls. To me, they went from mediocre pop punk to bad pop rock to Bon Jovi sound-alike. As far as Taylor Swift, I think she’s insanely attractive and likable as a person. I mean there’s no doubt that she is talented (especially when compared to other pop divas out there) but I can just never own up to enjoying A. Country Music and B. Music that fuels awkward teenage girl hopeless romantic angst, no matter how incredible the person behind the songs is.

So, knowing I’m not a fan of the music of either Boys Like Girls or Taylor Swift, I’m typing on my MacBook in utter confusion and bewilderment. Because after hearing the new Boys Like Girls single featuring Taylor Swift, “Two Is Better Than One”, all of my pretentious music elitism seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. I don’t know how but I love the hell out of this song.

It may be the combination of the voices. It may be the fact that I will always be a sucker for songs that erupt in gorgeous string accompaniments. It may be the utter realization that *gasp* a guy like me can like sappy love songs. However, after listening to it several times, digging down to the roots of why this song makes me smile, it hit me: the nostalgia.

The first time I heard this song, it instantly reminded me of one thing. You remember all those awesome 90s animation movies you watched as a kid like Aladdin, An American Tale, The Lion King etc (Of course you remember, you probably still watch them)? Well that’s what this song reminds me of; when the film ends with a heartfelt scene that brings your 7-year-old self to tears and as the credits roll your ears are blessed with a contemporary “boy sings one part, girl sings other part” cover of one of the songs in the movie: “A Whole New World”, “Somewhere Out There” etc.

Well, “Two Is Better Than One” sounds like all those songs just refurbished, reshipped and repackaged to our Disney movie-loving hearts just in time for the holiday season to kick in. This is easily the best Boys Like Girls song and obviously the only one I actually enjoy (or even tolerate).

Whew. That was a mouthful. But don’t expect me to like another sappy poppy love song this much anytime soon.
Oh yeah, and expect this to destroy the top 40 charts in like a month or so but before everyone starts singing it, get ahead of the game.

Warped Tour 2010 Hopes November 1, 2009

It was recently announced via twitter that the line-up for the 2010 Warped Tour is currently in the works. This year, the Warped Tour garnered some controversy for adding so many (and by so many, in reality like three or four out of 80) abysmal bands labeled under the new extremely unflattering genre dubbed “crunkcore”. This caused a slew of criticism for the tour for several reasons. Not only are these bands in fact make pretty horrible music and give off a bad image for the tour but the endless criticism of this newfound scene of “crunkcore” also turned off many concert-goers. Bands would interrupt their own sets to rant incessantly about how Warped Tour is dead because of the fact that a few of these “crunkcore” artists or “neon bands” were on the tour. As much as I hated this “crunkcore” trend and its appearance at Warped Tour, I also did not welcome this newfound elitism from supposedly real punk bands. So, since I really don’t want another year of awkward auto-tuned screaming or fire and brimstone speeches about how everyone is a poseur, I proposed a list of bands that not only I would personally love to see at Warped next year but would hopefully bring some sanity and credibility back the tour.

The Dangerous Summer

One of the biggest up and coming acts this year, their debut Reach for the Sun is filled with gloriously beautiful guitar lines, introspectively personal lyrics and overall pop-punk perfection.

RIYL: The Starting Line, Valencia

Fireworks

They have “a sound with enough pop quality to keep your little sister’s attention, and enough edge to rid them of ‘guilty pleasure’ status.” Many consider them to be one of the best new punk bands to break into the scene this year and after one listen of their album All I Have To Offer Is My Own Confusion, it’s pretty easy to understand why. Plus, with their extremely enthusiastic live shows, Fireworks will pretty much have something for everyone looking to have a good time at Warped.

RIYL: old Fall Out Boy, New Found Glory

Set Your Goals

2009 was the year pop-punk resurged back into its roots with bands like This Time Next Year, Four Year Strong and of course, one of the bands leading the movement, Set Your Goals. With their aggressive hooks, positive attitude, amazing live sets and this year’s fantastic release, This Will Be The Death Of Us, 2009 is becoming a fantastic year for SYG and frankly would be a perfect heavy-hitter for Warped’s line-up.

Family Force 5

As Kevin Lyman, Warped Tour founder, awkwardly stated in an interview, “some kids at Warped just want to dance their faces off” (whatever that means). Jokes aside, whether you like it or not, catchier and poppier at Warped is here to say, it’s what the kids listen to. But frankly some of this music can be good, damn good. Family Force 5 are an alternative christian rock band with hip hop and electronic dance music elements mixed together with an over-the-top tongue in cheek attitude. Quite simply, their catchy hooks and silly antics make them one of the best mainstream rap-rock artists out there and frankly, FF5 is the band every “neon band” wish they could be (if they weren’t terrible). Most importantly, FF5 boasts an insane live show that features a giant drum machine dubbed “The Family Force 5000″, ridiculous Power Ranger-inspired outfits and some guy who calls himself “Xanadu” with an epic beard and a silver jumpsuit freestyle dancing on stage (don’t ask).

RIYL: 3OH!3, Alien Ant Farm

Other Bands I Would Love To See:

Alkaline Trio

The Gaslight Anthem

This Time Next Year

Fight Fair

New Found Glory

Against Me!

Say Anything

Motion City Soundtrack

This Providence

The Morning Of

Music Was Resurrected in 2009. Glory Be To Music. October 28, 2009