One could say that the Scott Pilgrim series is my own Harry Potter or Twilight. It’s a book (well in this case comic book) series that I loved from the beginning. Read over and over again, waiting in grand anticipation for the next volume to be released. It essentially compiled all of my favorite things ever: comics, video games, indie rock, kung-fu, ninjas, hot chicks… you get the idea. All things labeled as epic and/or awesome was compiled in this 6 volume series. It was every geek’s most glorious fantasy compiled with eccentric humor and plenty of stylish grandeur.
So obviously, I was very excited that a Scott Pilgrim film adaptation was in the works. I was then even more excited that Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) would direct it. Then I discovered that Michael Cera would star, which made me suspicious. I mean every role prior to Scott Pilgrim, he was basically a variation of George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development. After all Scott Pilgrim as a character isn’t awkward, he’s just a goofball and an idiot. At first, I was worried if Michael Cera wouldn’t know the difference playing this role. Majority naysayers of the film are naysaying because of their dislike for how “Michael Cera basically only plays himself” (because we’ve all obviously met Cera personally and known him long enough to know what he’s like when he’s “himself”). All that being said, this is Cera actually playing a character, even if that character is ultimately a less awkward, much more animated and silly version of “himself” (whatever that even means).
But enough about Cera, he isn’t the star of the film, Edgar Wright is. Shaun of the Dead was a parody/tribute of the zombie genre and Hot Fuzz did the same for action/buddy cop flicks. This time around Edgar Wrightdoes the treatment for video games and hipster/indie culture, saluting, mocking and celebrating these generational quirks in colorful, over-the-top and remarkably stylish beauty. Such visuals singlehandedly prove you don’t need 3D gimmicks to wow your audience. Even during the two or three awkward atypical Cera moments, you won’t mind it with the visual pizazz Wright throws at you at every turn. Along with Sin City, Scott Pilgrim is one of the few times a film adaptation has truly captured the aesthetic and atmosphere of the source material.
Scott Pilgrim VS. The World, based on the 6 volume Canadian comic book series, tells the chaotic tale of Scott Pilgrim: 23, bassist of local band Sex Bob-omb, irresponsible and lacking of any common sense but ultimately means well (sort of). His life is turned on its head upon meeting Ramona Flowers, a mysterious American who recently moved to Toronto to “escape”. The two hit it off and it isn’t long until Scott learns he has to defeat her seven evil exs. Complete and utter chaos ensues.
Each fight scene is choreographed with so much finesse and energy while incorporating video game elements in surreal and absurd proportions (enemies turn into coins upon defeat, characters “level up”, “extra lives” randomly show up). The film also has endless references to gaming classics like The Legend of Zelda and the Street Fighter series. In one moment, one of the exes breaks out into a Bollywood-inspired song with the help of his demon hipster girls. It’s total madness. In essence, this is the best video game movie ever made. You almost want Wright to go back and re-do every adaptation that was done wrong (Dragonball Evoluton, Street Fighter: The Movie, House of the Dead, Speed Racer etc.). Everything about it is the pure definition of epic, from the jaw-dropping visuals and fight scenes to the catchy 8-bit inspired score done by Nigel Godrich (Radiohead’s producer).
Now a movie that lasts under 2 hours while trying to cover a 6 volume long story-arc, it’s going to be as faithful as it possibly can. That being said, for the sake of the pacing, a lot of the less action-packed moments in the books are removed which results in plenty of omissions: Kim Pine has a less of an important role, a few of the evil exs get less screen time and some minor characters (Lisa Miller and Joseph) are completely removed. Sure some of this was disappointing to me but it was expected. If the film included everything from the books the pacing would be absolutely horrible at times. Besides, if I want the complete Scott Pilgrim experience, I’d just read the comics.
Ultimately, as an adaptation, it could’ve been better but as a movie it’s near perfect. It’s a fun, energetic tribute to the video game world juxtaposed with the chaos of being in a new, confusing relationship. Obviously a lot of people won’t be into it; it’s a certain style that a lot of people will either love or hate. And some will dislike for a lot of reasons whether their disassociation with anything hipster or indie or they don’t take video games seriously or they just straight up don’t like Michael Cera as an actor. That being said, if you were so much as mildly interested in seeing this, you’ll walk out of the theater with a huge smile on your face thinking it was one of the best films of the summer. Because honestly, it so is.
RIYL: video games, kung-fu, color, comics, Canadians, nerdy things, Edgar Wright’s other movies, laughing, smiling, any other emotion that evokes happiness, seriously kids go see this
Not to long ago, I stated that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and The Twilight Saga: New Moon, were the epitome of lazy filmmaking: representing everything that was wrong with mainstream American cinema. I was wrong. These two movies will always have their place in the movie world. I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re still horrible but at least they have some kind of appeal. The Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer unholy tetralogy (and now pentalogy) however, are the real deal. They are horrible. Oh Jesus H. Christ are they horrible.
Once upon a time, before sparkling vampires and angsty teenage girls were the red-headed stepchildren of Hollywood, two jesters made a horrendous “parody” of the romance genre called Date Movie. It’s comedic peak was a five minute sequence of a cat having diarrhea… that was it’s peak. The rest of the film consisted of fat jokes and celebrity pandering that was irrelevant at best. Next was Epic Movie, which was essentially a weaker Date Movie. Then Meet the Spartans, which made even the teenage boys who loved previous affairs cringe in embarrassment. After Meet the Spartans, the names Friedberg and Seltzer struck fear in the hearts of every critic, film buff and average movie goer. By the time Disaster Movie hit theaters, audiences knew the groan-inducing attempts at humor they’d get from Friedberg and Seltzer and simply ignored it. It bombed. And for all intents and purposes the two jesters were done with making movies. Either that or people grabbed them by the necks, shook the celebrity gossip jokes and nut kick jokes out of them and forced them to actually try.
Then not to long after Disaster Movie left theaters, a little project called Twilight emerged and it became the new thing everyone (including me) loved to hate. Its disregard for vampire lore, profoundly melodramatic storyline and borderline psychotic fanbase made it pretty easy to loathe. For a while we all thought hating the Twilight Saga wouldn’t bring anything bad on our part (besides hilarious online death threats from “twi-hards”), but then an evil force came back…
Vampires Suck is the fifth affair by writing/directing/penis jokes enthusiast team Friedberg and Seltzer “parodying” the Twilight Saga as well as (for whatever reason) Jersey Shore, Lady Gaga, Alice In Wonderland and anything else that pops into this referencing for the sake of referencing kind of humor. I watched online (yup it leaked online, so if your curious you can watch it now. Go ahead! I’ll wait.), a place where mediocre parody videos find their home but even there it felt out of place. You see, youtube videos are 3-5 minutes long, give you a good laugh and by the time the joke gets old, it ends. Vampires Suck, on the other hand is a full feature film (well barely, it’s just under 80 minutes long) so the joke (that isn’t even that funny in the first place) more than overstays it’s welcome. Sure it may be a slight improvement from their other films (slight improvement) but it still has all their basic styles of humor: over saturation of referencing celebrity drama, over-saturation of referencing pop culture stuff in general and when they run out of ideas (which is a lot) they just have a character get hit with something (because this is the 1940s and stuff like that is still very very funny).
I know a lot of you are probably thinking, “It’s supposed to be stupid, not all movies have to be smart. Don’t take it so seriously”. No. Because A: they’re are a lot of “stupid” movies that are very very funny and B: 20th Century Fox takes it seriously, because they’re expecting you, the consumer, to pay your well earned cash to go see this. I don’t know if Friedberg and Seltzer got the memo but seeing a movie is fairly expensive these days. So when I pay 10 dollars to go see Edward Cullen look-a-like juggle an apple, a bowling ball and a poorly CGI baby (?), I’m safely going to assume that this was the best possible project these people were able to create in an attempt to entertain me and feel that my purchase was worthwhile. It’s basic economics, if we’re going to pay that much to see your movie at least have the audacity to give us a product with lasting quality. I mean for Christ’s sake your way of referencing Buffy The Vampire Slayer is to have some blond girl walk around with a shirt that says “Buffy” on it. Seriously? Are you kidding me? Is this a movie made by professionals or a campfire skit at a Boy Scout summer camp?
But like I said, it’s not the worst they’ve done and there’s some parts that are mildly humorous (at best) but still, do we really need a movie like this in 2010? Do we need to spend 80 minutes to hear people reminding us how lame the Twilight movies are? That’s like saying we need a 80 minute movie telling us the sun comes up every morning. Plus, thanks to youtube (and the internet in general), we’re such a culture-centric society. If we want to see a parody of something, we have hundreds, thousands of material for that certain subject at our fingertips. We’ve already heard every Twilight, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown and Gossip Girl joke there is to hear. So honestly, do we really need a movie that has Jacob’s pack flamboyantly dancing to “It’s Raining Men”? Do we need to hear comparisons between Edward Cullen and the Jonas Brothers? Do we need to be reminded how ridiculous it is that Jacob always has his shirt off? But more importantly, do we need a shot for shot remake of Twilight and New Moon where the only real noticeable difference is that someone gets hit in the face/nuts/stomach by something every 2 minutes? The answer to all those questions, and many more, is absolutely not. My life was fine and dandy before Friedberg and Seltzer re-emerged from whatever hole they crawled out of and I’ll (as well as the rest of you) will be much better off once they just leave us all alone.
So all in all, this movie sucks (surprised right?). If you really need to see it watch it online, where it rightfully belongs since this is really just a painfully mediocre version of what you see on Youtube and Buzzfeed and Cracked every single day. And for the love of Christ if you actually pay 10 dollars to see this in a theater, resulting in actually giving money to these people for making this cinematic abortion… you are part of the problem. Which problem you ask? All of them. War, poverty, malnutrition, domestic abuse, homophobia, racism, child abuse, Snooki, they are all entirely your fault. Douchebag.
RIYL: After watching this I was found rocking back and forth in the shower whimpering the Sesame Street theme song… backwards… So if you’re into that I guess you’re in luck.
WARNING: Lots of ranting and rambling that will probably not make any sense below.
Yeah, let’s face it everybody. This little thing called the music industry is becoming more and more disconnecting with reality. But what is it that makes it so irritating. Well a lot of things: there’s the business’ ethic, the arrogance of certain subcultures, the ignorance for anything new. Frankly, we’re all to blame. Yes even you. So let’s scoff at this crazy thing called the music industry.
Pseduo-Feminist Pop Rock Singer-Songwriters That Ironically, Only Sing About Boys
Hey! Did you here? Women are no longer objects of affection to men! I know right? So put down those frying pans and vacuums and bon-bons (women still eat those right?). You are free. You are independent. You are woman! Hear you… sing about your super lame ex-boyfriend all the time. Okay, let me just say straight up that I’m not being sexist. I’m all for equal rights and what not but this is just cashing in on a trend. A trend that’s based around how people find it mindblowing that women can make rock music too. And ever since artists like Pink, Kelly Clarkson and Avril Lavigne broke out in the mainstream any girl that can so much as hold a guitar can get big. This is not the problem though. The problem is that they can’t go beyond the “HOLY CRAP I’M A GIRL ROCKER” phase and pretty much continue to make mediocre pop-rock about broken hearts.
I mean look at Orianthi. She can play guitar really really well. Damn well. She can shred like a mo-fo. And while her first album had this awesomeness:
The rest of it consisted of Kelly Clarkson b-sides with guitar solos tacked on. I mean don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with a little moping in your music. I’m pretty sure some these girls have gone through all kinds of “pretty serious and sad stuff” but why lyrically do you have to be so vauge and bland about it. I don’t feel your break-up. All I got is that: “there’s this guy, he did something lame and now I don’t like him anymore because he’s stupid.” Be personal, be raw, make us feel the pain you felt and for the love of Ray J don’t use live journal worthy metaphors like “my heart has turned into a coffin that is covered in thorns and dirt and other gothic stuff”. And to be honest, if you really are totally over this one guy, then why do you keep singing about him?
In fact, if Janelle Monae and Jenny Lewis taught us anything, it’s that girls don’t always have to sing about boy problems or love in general. There are so many other great things you can sing about. For example:
Fresh dew dripping off leaves
A lovely slice of blueberry pie
Talking dogs with jetpacks
What is Victoria’s Secret?
And these are just a handful. There is more to this world than falling in and out of love girls (this can all apply to dudes too… I’m looking at you generic skinny dude with acoustic guitar).
Okay, I know I’m being really facetious. I know that most of these artists don’t write these songs, they’re mostly just written by producers of the album. All the people behind the curtain probably coerce pop rockers to sing these songs cause they’re easy to market (hey every angsty teenage girl needs a soundtrack right?). I mean hell, Lady Gaga, being a massive pop icon, has only written one song entirely by herself. So maybe this should be directed to the businessmen telling Kelly Clarkson she should refer to some boy that made her mad as her muse. But still to everyone involved, let them girls rock and roll (or whatever) but please don’t use your high school poetry book for song-writing inspiration that much.
Classic Rock Refusing to Die
Let’s say, hypothetically, you’re 10 again. Puberty is aflame. You ask out of curiosity about the birds and the bees. Out of nowhere, some old guy you barely even know starts going on a tangent about sex, talking about stuff you really don’t care about. You tell him, “Well that’s nice and I’m sure you have fond memories, but I want to hear the 20-somethings perspective on the subject.” That is what I feel like whenever classic rock is on the radio which is, if you didn’t know already, all the f—ing time. And if that’s not enough every hard rock band from the 80s is still making records despite it being years past their prime. Nothing against the classics, artists like Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen are all time favorites of mine, but I really don’t want to hear AC/DC state how they know how to rock and/or roll for the 18th billion time.
Not only that but they’re are so many “new” bands out there like Airbourne or Jet that are big solely because they mimic the sound of a classic rock band. There’s nothing wrong with using past sounds to influence your own but when your songs sounds almost exactly like something that would be on the new AC/DC record, there’s something wrong. Now if modern bands were getting as much exposure as “classic” bands, this wouldn’t be a problem. But their not. Eventually, a bone is thrown and a band like Muse or Coldplay or Kings of Leon reach immense popularity but for the most part, new rock music is ignored. We get it guys, you defined a generation, probably birthed a new genre and influenced a myriad of bands. But come on dudes. Lend someone else the spotlight. There’s plenty of illegitimate children you probably can be taking care of right now.
Top 40 Radio is Still The Only Way Most People Discover Music
Now before you cry foul about how I’m some hipster douche denouncing anything mainstream, let me defend. I am not every metalhead on the internet screaming “I never listen to pop music but I know it sucks”. I like pop music. A lot. I’m down with Gaga. Kanye is probably one of my favorite artists of all time. And Drake’s new album is one of my picks for the best album of the year so far. I don’t hate Top 40 music. Just the way Top 40 is organized. It’s still one of the only ways the mass public discovers music. And they say with great power comes great responsibility, well that responsibility made Ke$ha the breakout artist of the year and continues to push auto-tuned overproduced music that have nothing to say besides hitting the club, eying some sexy thing dancing on the floor, boning someone and simultaneously falling in love (because that always happens). It’s music that’s probably on the The Situation’s and Snooki’s playlists. And no that’s not a good thing.
I mean I had some embarrassing tastes back in middle school. Right before I started getting into bands like Brand New and Taking Back Sunday, I only listened to Linkin Park, Nickelback, Good Charlotte and Evanescence. I legitimately thought those bands were underground. Yeah. I know. But I was not only young but as far as music I wasn’t exposed to anything besides Z100 (the top 40 station in my area). I just started to watch MTV and Fuse during this time, I would subscribe to Spin within a few years and I only used the Internet for AIM and games. It was 2002/03. I had no iTunes Genius or Last.fm accounts or Pandora Radio introducing me to new music, expanding and broadening my taste.
It’s 2010. And we have all of these things. Radio has succumbed to something people listen to in their car when they forgot their iPod. Yet still, even with the endless music-related information on the internet, people still only restrain themselves to what’s on the Top 40 format and dismiss everything else simply because they don’t know it. It’s kind of weird how the Top 40 crowd are turning into elitist hipsters only instead of praising Animal Collective and Vampire Weekend, they’re listening to Ke$ha and Jason DeRulo. It’s like being fat and having a horrible personality. But the new-found top 40 elitism is just a result of a much bigger disaster…
Our Generation has A Serious Elitist Problem
Okay let’s face reality for a bit. Everyone isn’t going to like what you like, particularly music. Music is probably the most subjective art form ever. One person’s favorite band or artist, is another person’s most hated. In this day and age, there are so many genres and sub-genres and subcultures and desire for solely what’s “indie or underground” (or vice-versa) that there isn’t really a general consensus anymore. This isn’t a problem. At all actually. If you’re that passionate about something you should display that passion with expressing what you think about a certain band, album, song etc. It crosses into a problem when you become a complete douche about it.
There’s a difference between being opinionated and being an elitist. Opinionated is saying you don’t like a certain band. Elitist is saying a certain band sucks and has no talent. Hey, it’s one thing to hate a band but when you, some kid on the internet who isn’t in a band and probably never even picked up an instrument, are saying that a band, one that probably makes more money than you ever will and has a massively dedicated fanbase, is a talentless hack; you just sound like an idiot. I mean the internet brought a new age of elitism. Anyone can voice their opinion on something and on the net, the more ridiculous you sound, the bigger impact your voice will probably have. This results in the internet occasionally becoming a pool for elitism: Gaga fans hating Kesha fans, Metallica and Slayer fans hating Bullet for My Valentine and Trivium fans, Taking Back Sunday and Brand New fans hating 3OH!3 and Cobra Starship fans. It gets ridiculous.
But alas, this isn’t even the problem. After all, it’s just kids bored on the internet trying to piss people off. This all changed though in 2008 when a handful of violent riots emerged in Mexico City and Tijuana. Why you ask? Political oppression? Racial/social ignorance? No. Apparently, the “metalhead”, “punk” and “goth” kids of Mexico were really mad that there are kids out there who dress in tight clothes, makeup and like My Chemical Romance. Oh. And then they got like 20 thousand of their “non-poser” friends to gang up and beat the ever living crap out of like three “emo” kids. By the way, the said 3 “emo” kids are probably 5-10 years older than them.
There were also reports of a gang of 10 “metalhead” beating a teenage girl unconscious because she has the basic characteristics of what an “emo girl” is. And, surprisingly, this started as a result of a slew of anti-”emo” groups that emerged online in Mexico. All the threats and plans of an “emo holocaust” went from internet joke, to actual reality. I mean first off, if you actually believe that “emo” is a relevant subculture or genre in 2008, than you A. know very little about music and B. are kind of an idiot but that’s even besides the point. Anti-”emo” groups are all over the net and still exist but very few actually act out in such violently disgusting ways.
This isn’t about what genre is better or what genre sucks. This is about acting like a sane logical human being. You’re looking down on and sometimes even physically hurting people because of their taste in music. It makes our generation look like a bunch of violence-prone, mentally bats–t brats that have absolutely no concept on how human beings treat each other in civilized society. Which maybe is why the industry keeps classic rock over saturated because knowing what we do to each other, they’d want nothing to do with it. And maybe that’s why today’s music world is filled with so many idiotic pop tunes, stupid people need stupid music right?
So stop sipping the haterade and acting like a jackass. Because maybe, just maybe if we act a little smarter, the music industry might give our generation more respect.
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