We all knew that guy in high school. You what guy I’m talking about. Sat by himself in the cafeteria sporting his Slipknot hoodie, huddling in his PSP while glaring at his classmates with the “one day I will kill you” look. I knew one of these kids. One time he told me the most efficient way to torture someone without actually killing them. It was awkward. And disturbing. But even this kid and all the other “that guys” in the world couldn’t conceive the concept of The Human Centipede, a disgustingly absurd and ridiculous new addition to the torture porn genre. The film is already getting branded cult status with a premise that makes everyone think: “Wait… really?”
Torture porn is already a form of horror that isn’t taken seriously at all. Especially since many of them actually try to give off some kind of social commentary about morality and primal human nature… or something. But instead of coming off as smart they just seem to contradict themselves with their messages. Saw is a perfect example. One moment it becomes Our Town and preaches to you about how people don’t appreciate life and stuff and the next minute they show some girl screaming and crying hysterically because there’s fifty nails getting slammed in her skull because… she smoked a cigarette and wished death on someone… once. The Human Centipede however is the real deal… I guess. While some mention how it can be an allegory for Nazi experiments but that’s pushing it. There’s no moral or life lesson or social commentary. This movie is literally 90 minutes of three people being forced into the most horrible situation ever… for no real reason other than the torturer just wants to make people feel pain.
The Human Centipede tells the whimsical tale of Dr. Heiter who after being known for separating conjoined twins now wants to surgically connect several subjects into a single specimen with a single digestive tract. And he plans to do this by (sigh) joining people surgically from the mouth to the anus. Why you ask? Honestly, just because he can. Well that and he’s completely f–king insane. The three helpless victims are some Japanese guy who spends the entire time on screen screaming and two American girls on a European road trip, get lost and then literally spend 10 whole minutes complaining about how lost they are. They’re kidnapped by Heiter. Heiter tells them they’ll be rimming each other for the rest of their lives. Victims scream and resist which eventually results in a extremely slow-paced chase scene. Heiter performs surgery and the human centipede is born.
Once you see the disgusting creation and once the disturbing factor starts to wear off, and believe me it does, the film gets boring, fast. I mean as much as I want to see the doctor make the creature fetch him his newspaper (this actually happens) and then later screaming “FEED HER” to the centipede (I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain this is further detail), it really drags on too long with way too much cat and mouse scenes and way way too much screaming in agony and pain. I mean I know, they’re attached from the mouth to the b-hole but like half of the film is seeing these people going through the agony of being this thing. It goes from a ridiculously fun cult film to borderline exploitation a bit too fast. Controversial content can only keep a movie going for so long.
I mean if your intrigued, for whatever reason, knock yourself out but don’t be surprised if your more bored than grossed/freaked out. But hey, at least Dr. Heiter isn’t talking about how he’s doing this because he wants the victims to be more grateful about their lives, right? (But seriously Saw movies needs to stop being made).
RIYL: Honestly, I don’t even know, exotic European erotica maybe?
Nerdy Heartbeat 
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